Cheerios saved the day

I guess I will start last Friday. I woke up with a new resolve to give the day to God. This was the day I was going to get the thumbs up or down from the doctor and I didn't want to be anxious about it. I was going to leave it in God's hands. Of course, that is where it is anyway, but I was going to let go. I was determined to find peace and patience in the midst of a racing heart.


Have you ever noticed on the days you are determined to have patience and find peace those are the days when things end up in shambles? This is when Cheerios saved my day. The kids were out of control. We haven't hardly seen the sun in days which means not much time outdoors. I think it was a breaking point for them. I was trying to stay busy doing laundry and cleaning so I wouldn't think and dwell on the upcoming phone call and of course, all they wanted to do was fight. So I pulled out the box of Cheerios and string and let them have at it. It just happened to be snack time as well. So we spent a good 20 to 30 minutes making Cheerios necklaces. For my children, that was a long time to sit and do one activity. I could breathe for a few minutes, and that is what I did. While their little fingers worked and in between counting I prayed. I prayed that it would be God's will and not mine and that if it wasn't meant to be I prayed that I would be okay with that.


Well, we made it through the morning and my sweet sister-in-law Kara came over to hang out with the boys while I waited for my phone call. The sun had finally come out just in time for their naps but Kara was kind enough to keep them outside. I am so uptight about them taking naps right at 1:00 but I talked myself into the fact that them playing outside in the sun was actually more beneficial for all rather than taking a nap right at 1:00. As 12:45 crept up my heart raced faster by the minute. Finally the phone rang. It was the physician's assistant telling me the doctor was just finishing up and would call me in about 5 minutes. Well, that 5 minutes turned into 30 minutes. But finally she called. She was so wonderful and kind and asked me questions about my history and made sure I knew what being a surrogate meant. By the end of the conversation I felt at ease. After two months of waiting, I was approved to be a surrogate. I thought that after I got the thumbs up I would be ecstatic. But I think the whole rush of emotions just drained me and knowing that I have more tests before I can officially be approved means more waiting. Luckily, they scheduled an appointment for me to come down and meet with the doctor and have a medical exam done along with a psych exam. I actually am going down this Friday (Feb 4th) to get everything taken care of. This means that if all comes back clear we could be starting meds in a week and a half to two weeks and doing the transfer as early as the end of February. It is all so surreal now that things are really moving along. I almost can't believe it. I am so excited to finally get to meet F and T in person. I feel like I have known F forever but to finally get to meet her is so exciting. Please pray for next Friday that I have a safe drive and that the tests go well.


The rest of the weekend was a little crazy. I really think the weather is getting to us all, along with the lack of sleep that the boys are getting. They are going to bed later and getting up earlier. We came to the decision to move them back into their own rooms. With everything that is coming up for us in the next month we felt the boys (and mommy and daddy) need to get as much rest as possible. There will come the day when it is right for them to share a room.


Here is my continued list. I love doing this list on a Monday. It helps me prepare my heart for the rest of the week to keep looking for things to be thankful for.

9. Cheerios

10. Sweatpants - I hate to admit this but I have spent the last 3 days in them.

11. Ladybugs - The boys found one and had to show me, now it is lost in the house.



12. The joy of a child over something so small



13. Sheet washing day



14. Lavender dryer sheets

15. Forts




16. Cool veggie pizza - ooo my favorite



17. Chocolate chip cookies




18. Love and Logic parenting - had to pull my book out to get back on track

19. Friends coming for dinner

20. The dishes being done right after dinner

His Will Not Mine

Tomorrow is the day I have been waiting for; the day when the doctor lets me know if I am officially approved to be a surrogate. Although this is an important step it is not the last in determining if my body is right to be a surrogate. As I have sat and thought about this moment for the last week it has come to my attention that I have been so wrong about my thinking.

I have just started a Bible study on the book of Nehemiah with a wonderful group of ladies. We are learning what it means to be restored, rebuilt and revived. Something that hit me last week was that we cannot be restored to Christ until we work on the distance that is between us and our God. I realized that this journey of my surrogacy has put distance between me and my heavenly father. Before I started this journey I prayed that I was making the right decision. I talked with godly women who gave me their opinions and their knowledge of the Bible and I even spoke with the pastor at the church I attend. I knew it was the right decision for me. So why now do I feel the distance when I know God's hand has guided this journey so far and everything that has happened so far?

When I first started I felt that God blessed me with the gift to carry children and that I should share my gift. I also knew that because I had such strict qualifications of the intended parents God would have to bring me the right family if this was meant to be. It did happen, and I found wonderful intended parents. Before I met them I was so ready and willing to give it all to God and let his will be done whatever that might be. But now it has turned into, my will be done. I want this so badly for F and T that I have tried to take back control. I have lost faith that the same God who created us will see this through. He loves and cares for F and T so much more than I do and I have to rest in the truth that He has this under control. I memorized the verse "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope, and a future." I thought this was so fitting. God knows the plans for myself, F and T and I need to trust that he will finish what he started. I need to let go of my control, my anxiety and my impatience and rest in the truth of his promises. May the glory be his and his alone.

Sounds of Sleepovers

Three nights ago we finally moved the boys into the same room. We wanted to do it the weekend before but we had sickness spread through the house so we figured waiting one more week would be best. So we waited until the weekend in case the boys did not sleep very well, we would have two of us to deal with cranky boys.


We put them to bed, walked out and held our breath. First night went perfectly. I could not have pictured a better night. They went to sleep right away and woke up together at 7:30 the next morning. Well, Sawyer woke up and wanted to talk to Hudson so he turned on the light. The next night we put them to bed and once again held our breath. Sawyer popped out of his room a few times but then went to sleep. The next morning Sawyer got up and quietly left the room without waking up Hudson.


We couldn't believe how good it was going and how quickly they were settling into sharing a room. Then, last night we put them to bed and walked out. Sawyer popped out a few times like the night before. We got him back into bed and left again. We then hear noise coming from their room. We stand out the door to hear them telling knock, knock jokes. They don't really know any knock, knock jokes so we hear them taking turns saying "knock, knock." After a few minutes I go into their room to check on them to find Sawyer in the crib with Hudson. He tells me that Hudson wants him to sleep with him. I knew that they wouldn't get any sleep if they stayed like that so once again I put Sawyer back to bed.


Shortly after we left their room that time we hear them laughing. You know that laugh that comes from deep in their bellies. It made me smile to hear them. It brought back memories of sleepovers when my best friend would come and visit. We would stay up all hours of the night laying in bed talking about our future and laughing until it hurt. I was also reminded of times when my mom would babysit a friend of mine. In the same room as my boys are in now, my friend and I would go to take a nap. We would spend the whole time throwing a ball back and forth and smothering our laughs in our pillows. Such fond memories and am so excited for the memories we are making as a family and the memories our boys are making. Bed time is once again creeping up on us. We will see how tonight goes.



Seeing, today is Monday I will start my list of 1000 things I am thankful for. Surely I can find 1000 things to be grateful for.


1. My awesome husband
2. My funny Sawyer man



3. My sweet Hudson


4. Belly laughs

5. Being able to hear those laughs

6. Early bedtimes

7. Memories of good friends

8. A playroom