Look for the helpers

 Wow! Thank you all for the overwhelming love and support for my previous post. That wasn't easy for me to post. I tend to be more of a private person, especially with parts of my life where I feel I failed or did not live up to my own (or other's) expectations. I talked to a friend this last week and she told me that divorce is not a failure, it is an expiration of something that was once good but is no longer good for one or both partners. I appreciated that. 

For so much of these last few years I have felt like a failure; like I failed my boys, failed my family and failed myself. I have struggled to trust other people and even trust myself. I have kept so much to myself afraid to lean on other people, share my struggles and my short comings. I've been afraid to let people in worried they would judge me. Don't get me wrong, this is an ongoing battle. One brick at a time I'm working to remove them. I find myself walking along, feeling lighter from those bricks I removed and BAM...I'll pile them right back up. I have discovered that when I am able to open up and share my struggles, there are people who will help me carry these bricks or help me break through them. When I have opened up, I find that there are people who understand and can relate. That is a freeing feeling. I will keep moving forward, keep working at it. 

 Until then, thank you to my core peeps who have helped me through these last few years. My helpers have shown up. I don't know how I have gotten so lucky, but I have the most amazing family and friends anyone could ever dream of. In my darkest days, they have been there. They have taken by boys on "spoil days". They have come over to watch reality TV, eat Taco Bell and check out of life for a little while. They have sent food, gift cards, and taken me out to lunch. They help me fix things or move heavy furniture. They have been there. It may have been a small thing for them, but it was a huge thing for me. They are my life lines and I appreciate them more than they know.

  "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." - Fred Rogers' mom 😊