Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Wait, Wait, Wait

The anxiety is building. As the days crawl by I am impatiently waiting for Tuesday when my medical records should arrive to the fertility doctor. Why does it take 10 days to mail records to an office where I could drive them there in 4 hours?
I never finished that post, and now it is Tuesday and it turns out the doctor is on vacation until next week. I get to wait another week until we get the go ahead to move forward. Maybe I should open my eyes and realize God is trying to tell me something "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7
I've believed from the beginning God has had a hand in all of this and now letting anxiety get the better of me instead of resting in the truth. So here is to a week of enjoying the peace instead of being anxious.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

My Pa

During the craziness of our kitchen remodel and trying to get paperwork sent to the doctor for the surrogacy my grandfather passed away. He was 93-1/2 years old. My grandfather lived by himself in the most beautiful house in Massachusetts. It definitely needs work but the memories make it that much more beautiful to me. He used to share it with my grandmother who passed away in January of 2009 and my uncle who passed away in April of this year.

Earlier in the week of December 5th I had gotten a call from my mother saying that my grandfather had fallen and broken his arm and was going in for surgery. I was a little concerned for the surgery but the next morning there was good news that the surgery went well and he was doing good. They were planning on sending him to a nursing home for him to receive rehab and then he could go home when they were sure he could care for himself. On the day he was to be transferred his oxygen level dropped and they decided to keep him another day. They would have to send him with oxygen the next day. According to my aunt he was still his same old self. They did transfer him the next day and got him settled in his bed. I received a call from my mother on the morning of December 10th saying that my grandfather had a heart attack sometime in the middle of the night. They had him on comfort measures not thinking he would get better.

My whole family was over at my parents' house celebrating Sawyer's 4th birthday when we got a call from my aunt saying Jesus had taken him home. It was a sad night for us knowing he was gone but feeling a little relieved knowing he could finally rest. I don't know what heaven will be like but I like to imagine the reunion that had to have taken place between my grandparents. They had been married over 60 years when my grandmother died and I know it was hard for my grandfather to be without her.

The Bible tells us about the fruit of the spirit being love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. My grandfather possed all these qualities. He left a legacy that will remain with all who knew him. I am excited for the day when we can see each other again and rejoice together in a place with no more pain or suffering.

Oh Dishwasher!

Two months ago our dishwasher leaked and ruined our brand new laminate floor. We were counting it as a blessing in disguise, seeing that we hated our brand new laminate floor. When we pulled up the floor and the 40 year old linoleum that was underneath we realized the water had gotten all the way under that and it was on it's way down the hall as well. We were praying our home owners insurance would pay to have everything replaced because there was no way we could come up with the money to fix it.

By the grace of God our insurance did cover the cost to replace the floor and the carpet. With the money we decided to update a few things in our kitchen to make it a bit more user friendly; you know, for all the cooking I do in there. (That was sarcasm in case you don't know me that well.) So, here we are 2 months later finally getting some work done. It has been a crazy 2 months and currently I can't even find the peanut butter to make sandwiches, but it will all be worth it. Maybe I'll even start cooking.

I wanted to upload some pictures so you can share in the process, but I can't find my camera either. They will be up soon, I hope.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Little Grace For My First Post

So, the main reason I am starting this blog is to record this next year mainly for a new family that has recently come into my life. About a year ago I felt a calling to become a surrogate mother. I prayed about it and spoke to people I trusted would give me truth. I decided it was something I needed to do. I applied to 2 different surrogacy agencies very excited about the possibilities to come. I waited very impatiently for them to get back to me and when I couldn't wait any longer I called the one I really wanted to go through. She told me how wonderful my application was and how much she loved my pictures that I had sent. She said everything looked good except two of the questions that I had answered. One was asking me if I would abort a baby for medical reasons and the other asked me if I would consider selective reduction if I was carrying too many babies. I told her that not under any circumstances could I do either. Then she kindly told me she probably wouldn't be able to find a match for me. I was heart broken. Could it really be so that there aren't any couples left out there that feel the same way as me? That every conception is a miracle and a gift from God? I sort of gave up on the idea and figured it just wasn't the right time.

Here I sit, a year later, once again feeling strongly about becoming a surrogate. I decided to send in a couple more applications without much hope that they would find a match. However, this year I found an amazing site where surrogates and intended parents could come together, find each other without going through an agency and share their experiences. The day I logged on I saw a post of a women from California looking for a surrogate. (I will be referring to her in all of my upcoming blogs as F and her husband as T). I waited anxiously to be approved to join the site and as soon as my approval came through I sent her a message. She called me that same day and we hit it off immediately. She told me about her story and it touched my heart. I knew this was the family I had been praying for. We have started the process of getting all of my information to her doctors to make sure I would be a good surrogate and have the best chance for a healthy pregnancy. The waiting is the hardest part but I feel that I don't have a right to be so anxious when she has had to wait so long. Hoping the next few weeks will have a lot of good news and things moving along quickly.

Thank you for reading and for those rallying behind my family. We are so blessed for all the support and prayers.