9 week appointment

Friday marked 9 weeks for us and our first appointment with my ob doctor.  We didn't have plans for an ultrasound but we thought if we put on our puppy dog sad faces he might agree just so we could see how the twinkies were doing.

My doctor is seriously the best.  He offered to try the Doppler to see if we could hear heartbeats first but we were skeptical since they were still so little.  He couldn't hear them so he caved and offer to do an ultrasound for us in the office even though he doesn't do them and his tech was out of the office.  I was so excited to see them.

We went into the ultrasound room and he did the external ultrasound first and found 1 beautiful healthy baby right away.  Then he looked for the other one and we saw the sack but he couldn't get a great picture because baby was kind of far back.  I told him I didn't mind doing an internal just so we could make sure everything was fine.  He did the internal and there was Baby A hogging up the screen.  Then he looked around for Baby B and he found a smaller sac and couldn't really see baby all that well.  He wanted me to go have a high resolution ultrasound at an imaging facility.  We were able to get one scheduled for 2:30.

We left the office and I broke down.  I knew what that meant but tried to hold out hope that maybe baby was just in a weird position.

I called Travis and he came to the ultrasound.  They performed the ultrasound and we saw Baby A measuring 9 weeks and 1 day with a heart rate of 171.  Perfect and strong.  Then we found Baby B and sure enough my fears were confirmed.  Baby B only measured 6 weeks and did not have a heart beat.  It looks as if Baby B stopped growing right after we saw the twins at our 6 week appointment.

This was heartbreaking.  I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of how excited K and G were to have not just 1 baby but 2.  I wanted this so badly for them but I am not in control.  I do not question the Giver and Taker of life because I know His plans are bigger and better than mine.  But there are just some things I won't understand this side of Heaven and they aren't for me to know.  So, I will continue to walk in faith that God loves His children more than anyone and He has big plans for His miracles.

With this loss undoubtedly comes some fear and anxiety over how baby A will do.  Please pray for peace in the hearts of the family and myself.  There isn't any reason things shouldn't go smoothly the rest of the way, but those who have experienced loss can understand. 

Also, K and G have had a really crazy few weeks and I came down with strep which really just added to the craziness of my life.  So if you think of us, please just lift us up in prayer.  We are all just looking forward to slowing down and getting back into a "normal" routine.  And I am just really anxious to start feeling 100% again.  It has been awhile and I am feeling tired.  So thank you all for your continued support and prayers.  We couldn't do it without you.