9 week appointment

Friday marked 9 weeks for us and our first appointment with my ob doctor.  We didn't have plans for an ultrasound but we thought if we put on our puppy dog sad faces he might agree just so we could see how the twinkies were doing.

My doctor is seriously the best.  He offered to try the Doppler to see if we could hear heartbeats first but we were skeptical since they were still so little.  He couldn't hear them so he caved and offer to do an ultrasound for us in the office even though he doesn't do them and his tech was out of the office.  I was so excited to see them.

We went into the ultrasound room and he did the external ultrasound first and found 1 beautiful healthy baby right away.  Then he looked for the other one and we saw the sack but he couldn't get a great picture because baby was kind of far back.  I told him I didn't mind doing an internal just so we could make sure everything was fine.  He did the internal and there was Baby A hogging up the screen.  Then he looked around for Baby B and he found a smaller sac and couldn't really see baby all that well.  He wanted me to go have a high resolution ultrasound at an imaging facility.  We were able to get one scheduled for 2:30.

We left the office and I broke down.  I knew what that meant but tried to hold out hope that maybe baby was just in a weird position.

I called Travis and he came to the ultrasound.  They performed the ultrasound and we saw Baby A measuring 9 weeks and 1 day with a heart rate of 171.  Perfect and strong.  Then we found Baby B and sure enough my fears were confirmed.  Baby B only measured 6 weeks and did not have a heart beat.  It looks as if Baby B stopped growing right after we saw the twins at our 6 week appointment.

This was heartbreaking.  I couldn't hold back the tears as I thought of how excited K and G were to have not just 1 baby but 2.  I wanted this so badly for them but I am not in control.  I do not question the Giver and Taker of life because I know His plans are bigger and better than mine.  But there are just some things I won't understand this side of Heaven and they aren't for me to know.  So, I will continue to walk in faith that God loves His children more than anyone and He has big plans for His miracles.

With this loss undoubtedly comes some fear and anxiety over how baby A will do.  Please pray for peace in the hearts of the family and myself.  There isn't any reason things shouldn't go smoothly the rest of the way, but those who have experienced loss can understand. 

Also, K and G have had a really crazy few weeks and I came down with strep which really just added to the craziness of my life.  So if you think of us, please just lift us up in prayer.  We are all just looking forward to slowing down and getting back into a "normal" routine.  And I am just really anxious to start feeling 100% again.  It has been awhile and I am feeling tired.  So thank you all for your continued support and prayers.  We couldn't do it without you. 

Happy 3rd Birthday Madyn!

This sweet little girl turns 3 today.  For this birthday she celebrated with parties, presents and a trip to Monterey Bay Aquarium.  Her parents are trying to make her birthday as "normal" as possible, but she continues to take her medication and struggle with side effects.  For those of you who don't know Madyn, she was diagnosed with leukemia just 3 months shy of her 2nd birthday.

This past year has been a whirlwind for her family and one that they haven't taken lightly.  They hit the ground running taking care of their little Madyn and their other daughter, 6 year old Leila.  They have researched, asked questions, fought and are continuing to fight for a cure.  They do it for their daughter, for their friends who have lost their fight, the friends that continue to fight and the ones who have not been diagnosed yet.

This is real and no one is immune. It might not be your child today, but it could be tomorrow.

Fight with us as we raise money for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.  I am asking, in honor of Madyn's 3rd birthday for everyone to go Here and donate just $3.00.  Then tell your friends, family and co-workers to join you in donating.  So that one day, we will find a cure. This may not be a lot to many but for a family fighting for a cure, it's the world.

How many heartbeats did we see?

I woke up this morning so nervous for our ultrasound appointment.  I don't know why.  I've been dealing with morning sickness all week and I never really have before.  We had great numbers but I just really needed to see the heartbeat(s).  I wanted this for them so badly...they deserved some good news.

We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like FOREVER.  They called me back and let me get ready.  Then K, G and Travis all squeezed into this tiny ultrasound exam room.  It was a tight fit but I was so thankful all three of them could be there. We joked and laughed to pass the time.  She finally came in and began the exam.  All 8 eyes were staring at that screen, no one wanting to miss a thing.

She showed us the uterus and then there it was, a sack, and a baby with a flickering heartbeat.  The sweetest sight and I started tearing up.  This baby was perfect, measuring at 6.87 mm which equates to 6 weeks 3 days which we are today.

She started moving around again and clear as day, there was another sack, with another baby and another flickering heartbeat.  This baby too measured the exact same size at 6.87 mm.

That's right.  Twins!!! I asked her to look around and make sure there weren't any more hiding in there.  She was sure...just the 2.  After she took their measurements she listened for their heartbeats.  There is nothing quite like that sound.  Baby A came in about 118 and Baby B about 121.  Both good heart rates!

  You can't see Baby A in this picture but he/she is in there.

I loved having the opportunity to lay there and watch their faces as they stared at their babies. G kept saying "Oh my God. Oh my God." And K stood there in silence.  It was a perfect moment, one that could never be described with words. With all of their past experience they were able to walk out of that appointment with hope.  And that is why I do this.  I am beyond grateful and blessed for this opportunity.     

After all this time, 2 blessings for K and G.  We all couldn't be happier and we are so excited to be on this "safari" (as my fellow surrogates like to call it) together. It is going to be a different experience for all, and I am excited for what is to come...like the 2nd trimester :)  The constant nausea is getting to me some but hoping it will subside sooner rather than later.

Next up is an appointment with my regular ob and I get to discontinue medication October 4th.  That will be another great day.  We call it "graduating" from the fertility doctor.  I won't be back to see him again and my regular ob will take over the remainder of the pregnancy.  Whoo hoo!

Thank you all once again for the prayers.  We couldn't do it without everyone support us and praying for us.  More to come soon.